suspended in gaffa
it was a long time coming for this artwork.
it was a small sketch on a notebook page born from a simple idea, perhaps 2021.
then a couple of years later—in 2024—i recreated it on a big canvas, richer in color this time. beige background instead of white, crayons for texture, melted by a flame. it was almost a ritualistic process. i loved that painting, but i was moving from the netherlands to lithuania and i shipped it out to reach my home country before i did. it didn’t, nor before nor after i got there—it got lost in transit and i’ve mourned it ever since.
this year—2026—i did attempt number three. i repainted that same figure from memory, and some things just happen naturally—willed by the muse rather than me—in the process. so the background of this painting is especially rich in color, texture, symbols.
this piece didn’t have a name for a long time, i didn’t feel like giving it one either. but i had to write something on the other side of the canvas, so i was considering what it was depicting. and had music playing in the background of this brainstorming session.
floating figure. suspended figure. i thought music could help me out here, as many of my pieces are named after songs. it was amusing to tune my attention to the song playing and hear ‘suspended in gaffa’ by kate bush. the very word i was mulling over. okay. that works. i was hearing the song for the first time and looked up the lyrics and meaning behind them.
the idea of seeing something you desire and not being able to have it unless you work hard, and even then you might not be worthy of it. in the song the desire might be god.
can i have it all?
i want it all.
(am i suspended in gaffa?)
it was a notion that occupied my mind a lot at the time, and it still does. i keep exploring the concept of being a god to yourself, of having and creating anything at your whim. of having the knowing of that as truth in your heart—and then not getting it. entering a limbo between where you are and want to be. it all goes slow-mo. we enter timelessness.
that’s what this painting means to me now. the backdrop of the suspended figure also represents the spiritual realm of all possibility, what with the all-seeing eyes, the colors, reminiscent of galaxy dust. these things just come together during the process without my understanding. i then have a conversation with the finished artwork, and it tells me its story.
having something briefly and then not being able to see it again also plays into the story of this painting's creation.