gyvenimo vaisiai
i painted ‘gyvenimo vaisiai’ because i was applying to a group show in my hometown. i had just moved to vilnius and was feeling like i’m further from my goals than ever. i spent a lot of time in my head, being obsessive but not necessarily productive. didn’t paint as much as i thought i would. it didn’t come easy.
i mostly like my tendency to fixate and obsess over things. i feel like my ability to feel so intensely is very good for my art. but sometimes that puts me in a state of stagnancy, where my mind keeps running but my hands don’t move.
‘gyvenimo vaisiai’ was a piece i did thinking of all the things i want to have but don’t yet possess, and how unreachable they seem. the fruits of life. you’re reaching for them, but they will never be in your hand, or it seems so.
i was questioning if wanting so intensely drives them further away.
i borrowed the fig tree from sylvia plath’s analogy. i’ve never wanted to choose just one thing, i wanted to pluck every fruit and have a feast. but the branches seemed too high up for me to reach.
up close, you can see layers upon layers of acrylic paint, a bit of crayon and i think oil stick too—making composition decisions and then changing my mind, working at the piece until the amount of choices taken becomes overwhelming.
i’d written ‘먹어라’ (a reference to another artwork) here and there on the canvas, a commanding ‘eat it’, almost a voice in your head. urging you towards your desires, or maybe mocking you for not being able to reach them.
the thing about art—in all its forms, from my experience at least—is that it provides an answer in the process of creation.
i come to the canvas trying to expel something from my mind, not realizing that i’m asking a question, and the process naturally moves to a climax. the poem transforms before it’s finished, the artwork changes meaning. that’s why i always feel like my paintings are more about what they’re telling me rather than what i’m trying to say through them.
the turning point with ‘gyvenimo vaisiai’ was how the fruits became the encompassing element. the tree above the character’s head is bearing many fruits that are closer than the character realizes, yes, but another branch is hanging on the bottom part of the canvas, defying laws of gravity just for you to be able to reach those figs. fruits of life—the things we crave most—surround us. but we often have our eyes closed.
