acting peculiarly
this painting was one of my highlights from my time living in the netherlands. i moved there to work and that’s all i did for a while, but eventually art caught up to me, a reminder than i can’t not be creative for too long.
my netherlands artworks stemmed from my giving too much of myself to my environment and to physical labour, and it served as a reminded of a creative, unconventional soul i never lost. i don’t think i even hid it that well—creativity doesn’t go away in mundane moments. i was turning unremarkable things into poetry even back then.
i had a small room in an agency house that was a safe haven to me then. the first time i had a space of my own, no one i had to share it with. i put together an altar, got loads of plants. i was about to say that i had a dedicated art corner, but actually, the entire room was an art corner. it wasn’t a lot of space, and i would spend my evenings (mornings, when i had evening shifts) and weekends crouching down next to a canvas, trying to put some sense into calling myself an artist.
it was a very special time that had me crawling out of my skin with exhaustion and with a sense of knowing that i was made for more. that feeling of my soul slowly wasting away had me making art that i still consider masterpieces. suffering makes for brilliant art.
acting peculiarly is from a particularly fun painting session where i found humor in my predicament. i pictured myself from outside my body. a strange little being, crouching over a artworks with such a sense of wonder, a colorful imagination and a conflicted, yearning soul. wondering what this posture is doing to my spine, which lead to highlighting it in the artwork. this is me. something about making art that no one else likes yet you find extraordinary (which was the case at that time) makes one feel not fully a person. do i live in a different world from everyone else? am i fundamentally dissimilar to everybody else? odd one out?
i’d have music playing while i create, still do now. as i was putting down brushstrokes on this painting, i remember having ‘everywhere’ by fleetwood mac playing in the background.
something's happening, happening to me
my friends say i'm acting peculiarly
it clicked right then as i heard the words that that would be the title of the painting.
i also put down ‘81’ at the bottom of the artwork, because i had just watched ‘downtown 81’ and had jean-michel basquiat on my mind on most days. still obsessed with him. i’ve never gotten over anything i cared about in my entire life.